How to make the men in your life feel loved (or not loved)

1. Unconditional Love

I've come to understand that many men don't experience unconditional love in the same way women do. They often feel loved when they are providing something, rather than just for being themselves. This realization made me question whether they are truly loved for who they are or for what they provide. Do the men in your life know you value them just for being them or do you only show you that you love them when they provide something for you? And it doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Just a random hug can make his day.

2. Public Shaming – A Big No-No

I've noticed that some women publicly tease their partners, thinking it's harmless fun. Comments like "He's totally wrapped around my finger" or "He's such a softie" can actually hurt. Which is a weird tease to me. Congrats, you just teased a man for finding joy in your happiness. Men value their pride, and public teasing can diminish their self-esteem more than we realize. So instead of saying something hurtful how about turning the script and saying something like "I'm his biggest fan"

3. Quality Time Means Different Things

Quality time can mean different things to men and women. While women might value deep conversations and creating memories, men might simply appreciate being together, even in silence. I've learned that his quiet presence is his way of showing love. But this is a tricky one. Because men also like compartmentalization. So he may not want you to come watch the big game with his friends. But also, him spending $100 eating a meal in a dark restaurant when he prefers the $5 cheeseburger that he buys almost everyday isn't what he wants either.

4. Equality Can Mean Different Things

When we talk about gender equality, we should also consider how it affects men. For instance, I see a lot of women complaining about getting stared at while at the gym but I also see men stare at each other while at the gym. I used to find it odd when men stared at each other in the gym. Now I understand that they might be assessing their own progress or form, not judging others. It's a different perspective, but it makes sense. So, while a woman does have a right to not be looked at like a piece of meat, men are also terrified of being labeled as a womanizer. So ladies, it's okay to ask your man "would you still love me if I was a worm?" it should be done in a playful way. No matter his answer, you shouldn't be mad at him.

5. Show Him Why He Loves You

We often think that the little things we do, like cooking or cleaning, are why our partners love us. While they appreciate these efforts, what truly matters is who we are and how we make them feel. It's our personality and support that they value most. So if he likes collecting action figures, show an interest. If he makes weird animal noises to "lighten the mood" make a weirder noise.

6. Correcting Him Hurts

I've learned that correcting a man, especially in front of others, can hurt his pride. It's not just about being right; it's about how it makes him feel. Being patient and supportive goes a long way. Unless it's in a funny way. The other day we were on our way into church and the man asked "How many kids do you have?" My husband said "3.. No wait, 4!" Then I piped in and said "We have 5 kids." He still laughs about it.

7. It's Probably Not About You

Men don't always share their feelings. When they become quiet or distant, it's often not because of something we did. They might be dealing with their own issues internally. Sometimes he would come home and not talk much. We would be eating dinner and he wouldn't say much of anything. I always thought "What did I do?" Eventually, I realized men don't typically punish with the silent treatment. Understanding this helps me not to take it personally.

8. They Don't Want to Be a Burden

Many men are taught not to burden others with their problems. From a seriously young age, men are taught this. Not typically intentionally, but by the way they are treated. When they don't talk about what's bothering them, it's often because they don't want to weigh us down. It's their way of protecting us, not shutting us out. Just a hug and a "What do you want to do tonight?" is typically enough. If he wants to sit around all night than that's what we'll do. If he wants to go out and do something that we can do that too.

9. His "Choice" Is Probably Not for Him

I've seen a lot of videos recently about men being frustrated because the woman in their life won't chose a place to eat. But did any of us stop to think about that for a second. The thing that makes that man the most happy is seeing his wife happy. They might have opinions but prioritize our happiness. It's a way of showing they care. If you want to reciprocate think about what he probably wants and then ask him. If he's anything like the men in my life he probably wants a Costco hotdog or a simple sandwich.

Understanding Men's Love

Men have their own ways of showing love, which might not always be obvious. The more I understand their perspective, the more connected I feel. These insights have deepened my appreciation for our relationship.